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Articles in this guest section are written by authors who do not necessarily share
exactly the same Scriptural Beliefs as authors of the other pages in this site. Nor
do they necessarily use the True Names. However as the content of these articles
is excellent; the editors of this site have decided to waive the general
rule that all articles must use the True Name. Please note however that this
change of rule only applies to articles where we believe the value of the article
is sufficient to make an exception to the rule.
Essays from John Rosemond. M.S.
John Rosemond’s Essays are copyright, and are reproduced here with the author’s permission,
If you wish to copy or reproduce this material in any form whatsoever please contact the author
for permission first.
www.rosemond.com and www.parentingbythebook.com
John Rosemond’s book “ Parenting ByThe Book” is being
Published in September by Howard Books, the Christian imprint for Simon And Schuster.
Essays
Book of Proverbs. Proverbs 13:24
In the Book of Proverbs, we are taught that fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge (1:7), the beginning
of wisdom (9:10), a fountain of life, (14:27), that it adds length to life (10:27), helps a man avoid evil (16:6), and
brings wealth and honor (22:4).
It's impossible to draw any conclusion other than that fear of the Lord is a wonderfully good thing; that it is the
essential precondition of every blessing in a person's life.
Mind you, the fear in question is not the sort a you would experience if during an otherwise lovely walk in the
woods you suddenly encountered an obviously rabid animal. God does not, after all, want us to flee from Him in terror.
The fear referred to in Proverbs is of two other sorts. First, reverential fear: being in nearly speechless awe of
someone else's natural authority, their grace-full power and charisma. Second, apprehensive fear: being legitimately
afraid of what might happen to you (of the choices that same authority figure might make) if you do something wrong.
Apprehensive fear is what keeps people from breaking the law. It also keeps children from disobeying their parents.
Adam and Eve were quick to disobey God because they did not, to that point, fear Him. God had provided for
them a Paradise free of all care and concern.
What was there to fear about someone who allowed you to live in the lap of luxury? So, when God told
Adam and Eve that they would die if they ate from the tree of knowledge, they had no basis for truly
understanding what he was talking about. Their subsequent disobedience required that God do something tangible
to prove to them that he was to be taken seriously; it required that he provide for them that very basis of understanding.
In addition, He had to do something that would cause us to take Him seriously. So, God punished Adam and Eve
such that they and all of their descendants would forever and always know that his Word was law and he was not
to be trifled with. Rather, he was to be feared; that is, His children were to stand before Him in awe of His majesty
and apprehension of what He might do to them if they disobeyed Him. And so it is with children. They must fear
their parents - in the same sense that we are to fear the Lord God - before they will pay attention to their parents, take
their parents seriously, and do what their parents tell them to do. It is not natural for children to fear their parents;
therefore, it is up to each and every parent to see that this fear is properly instilled. But timing is of the essence.
The proper time, or "season" (Ecc. 3:1), for instilling this fear is during a child's third year of life, shortly after the
child begins acting like a little Adam or Eve - deceitful, defiant, belligerent. The emergence of rebellious behavior (and it
happens sooner in some children, later in others) signals that it's time for the child's parents to do exactly what God did
to Adam and Eve - exile the child from the "Garden of Eden" (the carefree state that parents maintain during infancy
and early toddlerhood) and begin disciplining in ways that cause the child to fear them. Parents of prior generations
had no problem with this. They understood that it was in their children's very best interests that their children fear them,
they understood that timing was of the essence, and they knew how to instill the fear properly (i.e., without causing their
children terror). Furthermore, these parents knew that like fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom,
fear of one's parents is the beginning of good behavior/good citizenship and, therefore, the essence of a happy childhood.
(Undeniably, the happiest children are also the most well behaved.) And so, forty-plus years ago, the typical child,
by age 3, was afraid of his parents.
Today's parents, however, have been brainwashed by professional propaganda to the effect that causing a child fear
of any sort is psychologically damaging. As a result, today's parents try to avoid doing anything in the way of discipline
that would cause their children fear. As a consequence, the child rearing table has turned. Many of today's parents are
afraid of their children. They are afraid to incur their children's displeasure, anger, wrath. They are afraid to do anything
that might upset their children or cause their children to dislike them. As a consequence, today's children are the most
undisciplined bunch of brats to ever inhabit the planet. Why? Because as one of their favorite bumper stickers boasts,
they have No Fear. What a shame, because how can a child who does not fear his parents ever come to fear the Lord?
He has, after all, no basis for developing that wonderful, life-giving fear. Keep in mind that the fear spoken of in
Proverbs is fear of a parent who loves us so much He was willing to give his life for us; a completely devoted parent
who wants nothing more than the very best of everything for His children. A God who was intimidated by us, afraid
of us, a God who wanted us to like him, would be too self-interested to give his life for us. The only God/parent
who would give his life for his children is a God/parent who is not afraid of anything. Ask yourself, In my relationship
with my child/children, who's afraid of whom? If the honest answer is that you are the one who is afraid, then
your children cannot be secure in your love, can they? They cannot really trust you to take care of them under any
and all circumstances, can they? After all, we are secure in God's love only because he loves us so incredibly much
that we have no choice but to stand speechless, in trusting fear.
Copyright 2006 John K. Rosemond
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Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them
are diligent to discipline them — Proverbs 13:24
One of the most unfortunate misunderstandings of Scripture concerns passages that refer to the
necessity of using “the rod of discipline” in the training of children. These include:
Proverbs 22:15 — “Foolishness is bound in the heart of the child, but the rod of discipline will
drive it far from him.”
Proverbs 23:13 — “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod,
he will not die.”
Many well-intentioned Christians take these passages and others like them to mean that God is
specifically instructing parents to spank children when they misbehave; further, that these spankings
should be administered with variations on the general theme of “the rod”: belts, hickory switches,
paddles, and the like. This misinterpretation is understandable, but reflects a wrongful application of
the principles of Biblical exegesis, or critical interpretation and analysis.
As is especially the case with the Old Testament, any given word or phrase in Scripture might have
various meanings which are revealed by the context in which word or phrase is used. In other words, setting
often determines meaning. Therefore, arriving at a proper understanding of any Scriptural term requires
that the seeker carefully examine how that term is used in various contexts across the whole of Scripture,
with an eye for contextual similarities.
Applying this formula to the word rod one discovers two distinct usages: the rod and a rod. The difference
may seem slight, but in fact the preceding article—whether the or a—determines meaning. The rod is
always metaphorical, as in Lamentations 3:1—“I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.”
On the other hand, a rod is always with reference to a concrete object—a straight stick that might have
been used as a tool of measurement (1Sa 17:7, Rev. 21:16), a symbol of authority (Is. 14:5), or a staff
used in herding sheep (Lev. 27:32).
In every case, when the word rod is used with reference to the training or discipline of children, it is
preceded by the article the, connoting that the usage is metaphorical. To understand it otherwise
results in irreconcilable confusion. For example, in Exodus (21:20), The Lord specifies that if a man beats
his male or female slave with a rod, and the slave dies as a direct result, the man must be punished.
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Speaking in Proverbs (23:13), however, The Lord assures parents that if they punish their children with
the rod, “they will not die.”
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Reading these two passages, one should be moved to ask, if in fact these two rods are one and the same,
how can something that can kill a strong adult slave hold absolutely no potential of being fatal to a child
(remember that Proverbs 23:13 is a promise from God Himself!). The only way of reconciling the
seeming contradiction is to understand that Exodus refers to an object (a rod), while Proverbs refers
to a quality, an attribute (the rod).
So what is this quality? What is rod-like discipline? Metaphors borrow their meaning from the concrete.
So, for example, the metaphorical use of “slow train” as in “there’s a slow train coming” refers to
a powerful, virtually unstoppable force with somewhat ominous significance. In other words, understanding
the concrete nature of a train that is moving slowing, inexorably, down a track is prerequisite to
comprehending the metaphor. Likewise, understanding the ancient uses to which rods could be put allows
us to understand what is meant by “the rod of discipline.”
In one context, a rod was used to insure that measurements were consistent and true; in another, it was
a symbol of authority, a scepter; and in yet another, as a herding staff, it was used to herd domesticated
animals in one general area and compel them to move from one place to another. Used metaphorically,
therefore, rod-like discipline (a) is consistent and true, (b) emanates from a legitimate authority, and
(c) establishes boundaries and compels action and/or change. Further understanding of the metaphor
can be had by noting that “the rod” is also used to refer to God’s righteousness, as in Isaiah 11:4, where
The Lord is described as smiting the earth with “the rod of his mouth.” Rod-like child discipline,
therefore, is righteous. It is in keeping with the nature of God’s discipline of us, his children both adult
and child, and consistent with His Plan for us.
Don’t misunderstand me, please. I am not arguing against spankings per se. I happen to believe that a
properly administered spanking can be an example of “the rod.” Spankings have their place, but they are
not the be-all, end-all of discipline. In fact, no where in the whole of Scripture does God prescribe a
specific form of discipline for children. He only emphasizes, time and time again, that discipline to
be effective, discipline must embody certain characteristics and emanate from a legitimate authority figure
who is acting with righteousness. Therefore, the mere fact that a parent spanks does not mean his
discipline has been “rod-like.” A spanking delivered impulsively, in anger, definitely fails to meet
the standard. The angry, out-of-control parent is not acting righteously. His impulsive outburst is
self-righteous. It communicates his anger, but it is unlikely to do anything but cause resentment on
the part of his child. That sort of spanking is an example of what Paul was referring to when, in his
letter to the Ephesians, he exhorted fathers to not exasperate their children. A parent exasperates
his/her children whenever he behaves toward them in an exasperated fashion, which certainly fits
with spankings that are delivered impulsively and out of anger.
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These understandings should serve to free parents from a narrow approach to discipline such as might
result from a literal interpretation of “the rod of discipline,” and enable them to match their discipline
to the specific nature of any given misbehavior and the context in which it occurs. Is it not inconceivable
that God wants parents to spank in response to every instance of misbehavior? How could God in
his infinite wisdom and mercy demand spankings for misbehaviors as disparate as a child belligerently
refusing to clean his room and a child simply forgetting to clean his room? Both require discipline,
but the same response to both events would reflect neither mercy nor good sense, much less wisdom.
Understanding the difference between “a rod” and “the rod” also leads to the realization that discipline
and punishment are not one and the same, that discipline is first and foremost leadership,
not punishment-ship. Yes, punishment is part and parcel of discipline, but in the final analysis, it is but
a relatively small part. In fact, parents who understand that effective leadership is conveyed
primarily through authoritative speech (as in, “the rod of his mouth”)—speech that is clear,
unequivocal, reflects steadfast commitment to a goal, and compels action consistent with
that goal—will rarely have to punish their children. The effectiveness of their leadership will minimize
the necessity. It follows that parents who punish a great deal are parents who have failed to properly
assume the mantle of leadership in their relationships with their children. Unfortunately, that describes
all too many of today’s parents, for whom the rod of discipline is sorely needed.
Copyright 2006 John K. Rosemond.
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www.rosemond.com and www.parentingbythebook.com
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Yahweh’s little Flock. Page last updated 3rd day seventh month 2007